trillonious monk

I Am Not American. Not Right Now.

Today I bit my lip the entire way to class because there were two American girls talking behind me about their weekend escapades. I have always known the stereotypes that circulate the ubiquitous American, that we are dumb, that we inflect all our sentences like questions, that we are obsessed with “like”-ing and “Oh My God”-ing—but for fuck’s sake, when majority of Americans you encounter while studying abroad consistently fulfill these stereotypes, your case becomes a walloping lie. You’re just a hiccup. They’re all like that. We’re all like that. Every. Single. One.

Girl 1: So, like, we went to this bar in Camden, and like, there were so many people. It was like, worst than Times Square.

Girl 2: Are you serrrrious?

Girl 1: Yeah, but like, I mean, you could still like walk to the bar. And like, I didn’t know what to drink, but I knew I wanted to get fucked up.

Girl 2: Oh my gosh, yeah me too, I totally know what you mean. Sometimes it’s like, mandatory.

Girl 1: So Ashley and I were, like, trying to choose what to drink. And she turns to me and says, ‘JENNY.” And I’m like, “WHAT?” and she nods over to the bar and I see what she’s like thinking, and so we’re like, “TEQUILA SHOTS!!!”

Girl 2: OH MY GOD, YOU DID NOT.

Girl 1: Hell yeah, girl. We so did. But like, that’s not even the best part. We met these guys, and they were like, English. And so they invited us to some like house party. But we didn’t go because, like, you know, I don’t want to get raped.

Girl 2: Oh my god, yeah. That would be so not good.

Girl 1: Yeah, totally.

[All persons and places in this dialogue are purely true, and any resemblance to stereotypes, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Obviously.]

  1. paperstarlings said: And don’t you just adore how they recount conversations? No one has ever “said” anything-they only “like” things! “And then he was like ‘Why do you always say like when you mean to say said or says or replied?’”
  2. mylifeisabsurd said: I weep for my country.
  3. madeinfebruary said: Like, oh my god.. this was SO funny. :p
  4. passengerseatt said: el oh el.
  5. rachblog posted this